Maybe...
by Ice7
Summary: At the beginning of Sirius' imprisonment, he thinks of all the maybes that can no longer be, and finds an impossible strength to go on...


Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
A/N: This has nothing to do with my story DESTINY. It's just something that I wrote in my Chemistry class.  
  
** READ ** Please review with constructive criticism. I wrote this because I specifically want to hear people tell me what's wrong with it. I'm trying to better my writing and the criticism- or flames- will most assuredly help. Thanks, *ICE*  
  
  
  
1 MAYBE…  
  
  
  
When a person is a child, they never think that anything can harm them. They always think that everything will go their way and that the world should bow to them.  
  
I was one of those people.  
  
I had it all. I had the three best friends to ever walk the planet. We had fun together, got in trouble together, became animagi together… and had our lives destroyed together.  
  
We all lost something that Halloween: not just our lives or our friends, but our innocence.  
  
James was the brains of the Marauder's. He always worked out the finer points of our pranks and made them always go off without a hitch. He always believe in people and trusted them to do what was right… He died because of that faith.  
  
Remus was always the quiet, analytical one. Whenever one of our hair- brained schemes got out of control, he could always talk some sense back into us. He was always afraid to be sharp with anyone out of fear that they would suddenly dislike him…Well, they didn't dislike him, but it really makes no difference. He's still all alone.  
  
And then there's Peter. Little, shy Peter Pettigrew, who was always struggling to stay up with us. I guess it made him feel inferior- I never bothered to think about it. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be where I am now. Maybe then, James and Lily wouldn't be lying in their graves, but at home playing with their son. Maybe Remus wouldn't be alone, without a friend in the wold. Maybe Peter wouldn't have felt the need to betray us.  
  
Maybe…  
  
So many maybes…  
  
I blame myself though. Of course I do. I suggested him for Secret Keeper. But even before that, it was my fault. I never paid much attention to anything that didn't directly affect me. Maybe if I had, I could have saved us all of this pain.  
  
Maybe…  
  
Well, maybe won't help anyone now- least of all me.  
  
I, Sirius Black, the jokester of the Marauder's, have been left to rot in Azkaban for the rest of my life. And suddenly, my life has become too long.  
  
'… I want to die…'  
  
The thought has floated through my head so many times since I got here six days ago, it's amazing I'm still alive.  
  
When I was brought here, I was laughing. Oh, no, by all means, this wasn't a happy laugh. No, it was the bitter, slightly insane laughter of one that has lost everything and has just come to realize it. I never thought I'd be able to stop the awful laughter. I figured it would continue to bubble forth until the end. The end came…  
  
Azkaban silenced that laughter… forever.  
  
I thought about hanging myself, of starving myself , but… I know I have to stay alive. I have to keep my sanity.  
  
For Remus…  
  
For little baby Harry…  
  
For Lily and James…  
  
For revenge. Revenge for everyone involved that was hurt so unnecessarily. For the loss of life, for the loss of parents. For the loss of FREEDOM.  
  
So, here I sit, waiting for the chance I need. The chance to escape. No matter how long it takes, I will be free. I will get my revenge.  
  
"I'm coming for you Peter," I hiss quietly, feeling for the first time in days something other than the pain of darkness closing in. As I hear the Dementors drawing in a rattling breath to feed off of my feelings, I can't help but smile cynically. "I'm going to make you pay for what you did," I whispered before the Dementors can over took my mind with pictures of death and terrified screaming.  
  
'Soon…' I think as my grip on consciousness fades away to blessed nothingness.  
  
  
  
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. You know the drill: REVIEW! 


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